thanks to true Christians

When I realized I was about to tell everyone about all the difficulties in my life, my first fear was that everyone would line up and judge me. Maybe you have never had that fear but I have. It's hard to go through personal things when literally hundreds of people read my newsletters and blogs, either directly or just "through the grapevine."
I was really worried that there would be a lot of harsh comments for some reason.

I have to tell you that I am stunned by the love of Christ in His people that I am feeling right now. I've got some priceless friends. I am so thankful for that. I used to have a lot of pride in my spirituality, thinking that because I prayed a lot and read my Bible a lot that I didn't really need anyones help or advice because I was so close to God that I was a wealth of knowledge and everyone clearly needs me instead. Ha! What foolishness. At the very least, I can see God in His mysterious ways allowing all of this to be used for good. In my deep needs for love, my family and my spiritual family both have been really good to me. I can't thank you all enough.

I was reading the Psalms today in a whole new light. I felt like I was right next to David while he was hiding out in caves wondering why in the world God called him to be a king and yet all his problems chased him around. Sometimes we get a promise from God and then we get a problem that He allows the very next day and we are tested beyond belief. Recently I had a sort of picture where it was like I saw Jesus there in the garden praying with blood on his face and it was like I could almost feel how bad he felt while praying. I know we often say "Your presence is so good" and that "prayer is a place of peace" and so on. But Jesus that day was not praying because it felt good or because he was experiencing great and wonderful revelation. He was praying because you and I needed it, and He was absorbing all of your sorrow and mine. It was like I could feel that that day. A best friend of mine recently spoke into me when I was almost peace-less and told me that I was learning how to call upon peace in uncomfortable times because someday I will be amongst the nations and will have to learn to call upon peace no matter what situation I am in. That hit home. I've always thought I might be brave enough to someday conquer the Middle East for Jesus. Yet, I go through a few emotional battles and I almost want to throw in the towel! Thank God for grace and that it is only by grace that any of us will do anything for Him.

Again, I really thank you for your love and your prayers and for believing in me. The calls, the emails, the support has been almost staggering. Recently I felt a whisper in my heart say, "the days of you as a soldier are done, the days of the army are about to begin." I have come to accept I need others, and so the Lord has helped me to pass through a time in my life the past few years of being so alone it hurt and now He is teaching me to really make it an effort to not just make new friends but be a good friend to the ones I already have -- almost just to prove I can be a friend to someone for no reason other than being a friend. I think somehow in that the Lord is more glorified than from a song, a dance, or a long prayer.

Thanks for being a real Christian. Because of you I am able to see Jesus again, in you, and in us together.